Our Last RE Visit

Today was our very last visit to our infertility clinic! I made a huge batch of brownies and took them up there for the office to enjoy. It has been 2 weeks since our last US and it is so amazing to see how much little bit is growing! You can see the arms/legs, and the heartbeat was super strong and going at 172. There wasn't much movement that we caught but I swear I saw a leg twitch.

8wk3d

It is very reassuring to know that he is growing according to schedule and the heartbeat is strong. A little over 3 more weeks and I'll already be in the 2nd trimester!

I have scheduled my first prenatal appt with my OB for Sept 16 so I am assuming I will get another US then. We are all very excited to see what changes will come over the next several months!

In other news....Nick and I have booked our babymoon! Next month we are flying (adults only) to Cancun!! Neither of us have been to Mexico but we LOVE the Caribbean so I know it will be amazing. I've heard so many good things about Cancun. We are staying at an all-inclusive resort so we won't have to worry about one little thing. It will be our last big trip for awhile!

Beta #2

This morning I went in to the RE again for another blood draw to check my HCG levels. Here they are!

Beta #1 (12dp3dt) = 160

Beta #2 (14dp3dt) = 330

That is right on track! For the first few weeks the number is supposed to double around every 48 hours. Next is my favorite part--the ultrasound!! It will be 2 weeks from today and we should be able to see how many, and check the heartbeat. I will be 6wk3d then :)

For those who are interested, at 14dp3dt with Bradley my beta was 314!

Stay posted!

The Numbers Are In...

I went this morning to my RE for my official HCG blood draw! They asked me if I cheated and took a test at home...I said "of course!" They called me this afternoon with the good news!

Beta #1 (12dp3dt) = 160

Progesterone = >40

I go back in on Friday for another blood draw to make sure it is going up. After that is an ultrasound!!

It's definitely reassuring now that I have a good beta level, but I'll still feel better after the ultrasound. Thank you for the support and prayers guys. It's been an emotional and crazy journey but we made it thru and now we just have to stay healthy and grow a baby!!!

Can You Keep a Secret?

Seriously though! Because I'm not announcing anything until without-a-doubt confirmed by my RE!

But look!! Isn't it pretty???????

I got a SUPER faint had-to-squint-under-the-light positive on day 7 past my transfer (AKA 7dp3dt in IVF speak) and couldn't believe it!! That is a whole day EARLIER than last time. I have been testing each day since but they are still super faint. I tried a different brand of test (the one pictured) today and it was actually dark enough to take a pic of! I know it's legit b/c this is a hospital-grade test, unlike the cheapos I get in bulk on the internet....

Today is 9dp3dt for me. Monday is when I would expect to start my next period, and if not then Tuesday I will be 4 weeks along! I still can't wait for my blood test on Wednesday!! Check back then!

PS And don't say anything! You can comment your little heart out on here (please do! I love feedback) but please no comments on Facebook yet. Thank you for reading, and thank you for the prayers!

The Phone Call

I got the phone call today from my RE. No embryos made it to the freezing stage. Again.

I had somehow forgotten they were going to call me today. I was grabbing my purse and heading out the door with Brad for a day full of grocery shopping and errands. When the phone rang and I saw who it was my first thought was "they can't know if I'm pregnant or not--I haven't had blood drawn yet!" Of course silly--they were calling to crush my hopes once more!

Here is my post from the first time in 2008 when I got the same phone call. I feel exactly the same this time as I did that day 6 years ago. I know I'm blessed to have one healthy baby, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a second one to love.

The way I feel right now is this--if this time doesn't work then I want us to move next year and get a fresh start. For real. Sorry mom.

IVF #2 Embryo Transfer Day

Say hello to my babies! These were the best 2 out of the 10 that fertilized. Please say a HUGE prayer for me that they stick!! The transfer was this afternoon at 3:30pm and my doctor came in on his day off to do it himself. Your bladder has to be full to help them visualize the uterus on the US and boy was mine F-U-L-L. After the transfer they had me lay there for 15 minutes before I got up. And that was it! My official blood draw for the pregnancy test is scheduled for August 6 at 9am. I have a handy dandy countdown on the side! ----------------------------------------->

As for my ovaries, they are slowly calming down and deflating. I weighed myself the day of my egg retrieval (Tuesday) and I was up TEN pounds from my usual!!! I have since come down 5 but can definitely feel the remaining 5 in my belly. I did a lot of reading about other people's experiences and it seems like that is the norm. All of the little follicles that get eggs removed fill with fluid after the retrieval, and some people get more fluid than others. It then spills over into the abdomen and makes you super bloated for up to a week or two. If it's really bad then it can impede your breathing and get into your lungs. This is known as OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) and can land you in the hospital. The doc has you watch for signs and symptoms for several weeks after the egg retrieval.

The progesterone shots are also no bueno.....I've had 5 so far and already my bum is getting sore. I have to continue one shot of it each day until I can convince the doctor to switch me to progesterone suppositories, or till 10 weeks.....whichever comes first!

With my first IVF I got a positive HPT on day 8 after the transfer, so I will not test at home until next Friday. My doctor compared the embryo's growth to my first IVF and he said they were almost identical. The two they transferred are just about the same quality as the two I had transferred in 2008. I hope that means at least one will stick!!

I'm trying to stay positive during this wait but it's oh-so-hard. I know I only have a 50/50 chance of it working so I have to be realistic. I hope these next 2 weeks fly by!!!!

10 Babies

I finally got an update from the doctor! They retrieved 16 eggs, 13 were mature and 10 fertilized! So right now we have 10 little babies growing in a petri dish. They will call again tomorrow with another update on their progress. I will be doing the embryo transfer either Friday or Sunday and I should find that out tomorrow also.

Here is my post from last time about how many fertilized etc.....

As for the retrieval, it went well! We got there at 6:15am and got started in preop. They took my vitals and started an IV in my right hand. The anesthesiologist I requested was there so it was nice to see a familiar face! He started me off with some Morphine, then Versed and other sedatives in the procedural room. It was like deja vu! It was the same room I was in last time. It only took about 30 minutes and I woke up pretty easily afterward.

After they went over my postop instructions they showed Nick how and where to do the Progesterone shots. I got one there, then did another one last night. Today I will start them once per day until further notice. They really don't hurt much (if they are done right) but I know after several days of getting shots in the same spot over and over it will start to get sore!

I camped out on the couch yesterday with a mug of ice water and a heating pad. The pain really was not near what I anticipated from last time so I was pretty happy about that. However early this morning I woke up around 4am with terrible heartburn and a pounding headache. I got up and took some Zantac and Tylenol but it did not help. After I got up for the day I took my Norco and some PeptoBismol but it really hasn't helped much either. The abdomenal pain isn't what is bothering me--it's the headache and reflux/nausea!

I'm relaxing on the couch again today and I had Nick fill my Phenergan prescription to see if that would help. A cool washcloth helps a little with the headache, I just hope it goes away soon. I am going back to work tomorrow so we will see how that goes!

 

The Time Has Come!

Finally! I got the word today from my doctor that my egg retrieval will be Tuesday morning! I have had appointments every morning for the last 3 days to do US and blood work to watch my follicle size and estrogen level very closely. My follicles have been growing a couple of millimeters every day so I had a feeling today would be the day for my trigger shot!

For those who aren't familiar with the IVF process, first we medicate to stimulate the ovaries to produce several follicles. Next is the trigger shot (Hcg) that tells the ovaries to finish maturing the follicles to prepare for ovulation. It has to be exactly timed 35 hours before the egg retrieval. During the egg retrieval they will sedate me and remove the follicles that are large enough:

Doesn't that look fun???

After the egg retrieval they take the eggs into the lab will manual insert the sperm into each one (ICSI = intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection). They will watch the ones that fertilize in the lab and 3-5 days later they will transfer the 2 best back into my uterus. Then we wait!

I just hope I'm not in as much pain after this retrieval as I was with my first one. I am taking off work on Tuesday and Wednesday, and my embryo transfer will either be on Friday or Sunday. My mother will be watching Brad the day and night of my retrieval so that I can pop my pain pills and chill on the couch for awhile until I feel like getting up and around.

Check back Tuesday evening and I will post the update of how many eggs they got!! Here is my post from last time that goes over how the fertilization went of the eggs they retrieved. Say a prayer for me and my eggs!!!

Day 7

• fatigue
• crankiness
• pin cushion
• every other day doctor visits
• junkie
• bloated
• bruised
• intermittent painful twinges on ovaries

So yeah I am finishing up day 7 of my drugs! Ultrasounds have looked good but bloodwork has shown a rising estrogen level so they have been reducing my dosage of Gonal-F each day. I started stim drugs on Saturday with Gonal-F at 150U injections. On Tuesday I did 100U, on Wednesday I did 75U, yesterday I did 50U, and today they told me NO Gonal-F. I am still doing 5U of Lupron each day as well as 75U of Menopur.

I had a doctor visit this morning and my follies are getting big! They measured 9 on each side, and there were several smaller ones that weren't measured. They initially made my next visit for Sunday morning, but after the bloodwork came back they called and want me there tomorrow morning for another US and more blood draws. I am *crossing fingers* that they do the retrieval on Monday. I am ready to be done with this and move on to the next step!

I would definitely say the most prominent "side effect" is fatigue. I sleep 8-9 hours a night and am still exhausted through the day. They said that is from the high estrogen level (mine today is about 2,200). How fun! I also feel like I have more hair falling out than usual, but that might just be me....

As for the shots, I have found the most comfortable way to inject them is to keep the Menopur on the abdomen, and the Gonal-F and Lupron on each arm. The Menopur burns and is the most volume so I just alternate sides each day. One of my Lupron shots was given a bit too high up on my arm and resulted in a nasty looking bruise that has hung on for a few days now. I now do the fat-pinching while hubby gives the injection, that way the location is where it should be....

Hopefully tomorrow they will give me more of an idea when the retrieval will be. I asked my doc today about it and he said most likely Tuesday or Wednesday. That's why I was surprised when they called and wanted me back in tomorrow morning. Maybe my little follies are growing faster than they thought!

Wish me luck, patience, and tolerance.

Delectable Injectables

 Alright kids, it just got real tonight. I started my LAST 2 drugs until my egg retrieval! I am now on 3 injections--Lupron, Menopur, and Gonal-F. They are all sub-q and Nick is my nurse that gives them. I started Lupron 2 weeks ago at 10 units/day, and tonight I decreased that to 5 units/day. The Menopur is 1 vial/day (which is 75 units) and my current dose of Gonal-F is 150 units/day.

I go to the RE every other day next week for bloodwork and US to monitor the progression of my follicle stimulations and my dosages will be adjusted as needed. Hopefully in about 8 or 9 days we will be doing the egg retrieval! I can't wait to get thru this and be done waiting. I HATE WAITING. You think the 2ww after ovulation is bad? This is like that x1,000.

I have more optimism than my last IVF but I have to consciously reel myself in from shopping for baby stuff and remind myself that this may not work. It might not be just like last time. I allow myself about 1 hour of naive hope per day, but after that I am a realist who knows the chance is 50/50.

I am definitely more vocal with friends and family about the process this time. I feel like it's a bunch a of crap that women are afraid to talk about their infertility/reproductive issues because it is "taboo" or dirty to talk about. Infertility is a freaking medical issue that needs to be given the respect it deserves--not only by friends but by the insurance companies who REFUSE to cover treatment at all!! In my state that is... I'm not lucky enough to live in a state that actually covers some infertility treatments. IVF is a medical procedure and you better be sure that I'm going to request a few days off from work when I go to have my egg retrieval. Last time (read here) my egg retrieval ended with me getting a catheter leg bag for 3 days and writhing in pain on the couch popping pain pills.

Anywho....let the stimulation week begin!

If This Works...

• I will be due on April 15, 2015
• Brad will be a big brother!
• Brad will be almost 6 when he/she is born
• I will deliver at St. Anthony hospital
• I am considering using a doula this time for a more natural delivery
• I do NOT want to be induced again
• I will keep the baby in my room for the first few months while nursing
• Baby will share a room with Brad (for now)
• I will be the happiest person in the world :)

IVF Calendar!

Today was our ART screen with our RE. We got up bright and early to drop Bradley off at my mom's then headed downtown to the doc for our 8:30 appt. First we went over the consent forms and IVF calendar with the coordinator Connie. She also talked about the meds she will be ordering for me soon and answered any questions we had. We saved ourselves $450 by NOT needing an IVF workup on Nick (because we already know we need to do ICSI--where they inject the sperm directly into the egg). Yay! A dollar saved is a dollar earned. We are also saving a bit by not needing the medication administration class--I think I got that one down already :)

Next we went into the lovely exam room where the US machine and it's fallic-shaped probe were waiting for me. Dr. Hansen came in there and first did the mock transfer, then a sonohysterogram. Everything looked great on those tests so we spent the last few minutes with him talking about exactly how the cycle is going to go and answering any remaining questions we had.

After that we paid for the visit (tax deduction adding up!!!$$$$) then I went to work and Nick took Bradley home.

In a nutshell, I will start Lupron on Sunday, stop BCP on July 5, start Follistim and Menopur on July 12, and my HCG trigger shot will be around July 21. We also prescheduled my next few appointments up to July 18. My next appointment will be July 9 for bloodwork, urine sample, and US.

I just hope the next few weeks go by quickly. I remember clearly how uncomfortable I was toward the end of the stimulation cycle when I felt like a hen full of eggs. I also remember well how much pain I was in for a few days after the egg retrieval. We are estimating my retrieval to be between July 22-24 which means by the beginning of August I should know if it worked or not! They said that since we already had one successful cycle that actually increases our odds that it will work again :)

I'm REALLY trying not to get my hopes up too high this early. I have complete faith in the doctor and nurses and I know they are going to do everything with our success in mind. I'm going to follow my instructions to the letter and have already alerted my boss that I will need a few days off that week of the retrieval and embryo transfer. After that it is out of my hands!

My first batch of meds is getting delivered tomorrow and I started injections on Sunday. I'll keep you posted!

Something else I did is got a new hair do! Yesterday I finally found a salon in Norman to spend my birthday money on the popular ombré hair color. I've been eyeballing it for a long time now but was apprehensive because I hate spending money on frivolous things. Thankfully my birthday money was the perfect opportunity to splurge on myself! The great thing about this hairstyle is that it is super low maintenance and will still look cute as I continue to grow my hair out.

   

IVF Update

I found that funny image on this blog post here, which quite comically describes a man's experience in what I call the "Man Room" or what he calls the "Boom boom room".

This won't make any sense, but it feels like the summer is flying by yet our upcoming IVF cycle is taking forever. It might be because we planned it almost a year ago, or because I just want to get it over with! The latest update is small yet worthy of being mentioned.

While we were out of the country I started my latest cycle (fun!) on May 31, and then started my oral BCP on June 2. I'm on my third week of those now and just talked to my RE's office today about the next step. On June 25 we are going in for the ART (artificial reproductive technology) Screen where they do a mock embryo transfer and a sonohysterogram (where they inject saline to look at patency of uterus and tubes via US). At that visit we will also receive our official IVF "calendar" that outlines when I start each drug and probably dates of egg retrieval/embryo transfer.

On June 29 I will be starting injections of Lupron. According to the last time I did IVF, I did my egg retrieval 22 days after starting Lupron. That means sometime around the middle of July is when I would anticipate the egg retrieval/embryo transfer, and hopefully get a BFP by the end of July! Last time I got a faint + HPT 8 days after a 3 day transfer (or 11 days after the egg retrieval) so of course I'm going to be holding this cycle up to the same standards....

In other news this month makes 1 year ago that my grandma Margie passed away. She included Bradley and I as some of the beneficiaries in her trust, and part of that my money is going toward this IVF cycle! Thank you grandma :) She loved little Bradley and was so happy every time she got to see and hold him.

This month also makes 8 years that I've been a nurse, and my 28th (!) birthday was on the 11th. My whole family got together for some delicious food and I had a wonderful day. This weekend I'm cooking a nice dinner for Nick and my dad, and somehow squeezing in a garage sale on Saturday and Sunday. It's a busy month!

Moving Right Along!

With TTC that is! This morning I went in for my baseline US and blood work. I also spoke with my doctor's IVF coordinator and got my booklet of info and consent forms to sign. I'm pretty excited about it and curious how much has changed since our first time 6 years ago. I am keeping my hope levels in neutral as long as I can while being realistic and optimistic at the same time.

I feel like this time around I will have a little less anxiety since I will already know how it works, what to expect, how I'm going to feel (emotionally and physically), and the fact that I have one successful cycle under my belt. Unfortunately I also know that each cycle is different and it may not work for us this time. We may not have any embryos to freeze again, and we may come home with empty arms and an empty bank account.

We take these risks because we have faith in God's plan for our family, and we feel like this is where He has led us at this point in time.

My next appointment will be next month for another consultation with my doctor, then I will start meds in June!!! Please keep us in your prayers.

8 Weeks Left, and NIAW

32 weeks is here, and I am still in awe of how fast everything has gone by. Here are the updates:

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, he'll gain a third to half of his birth weight during the next 7 weeks as he fattens up for survival outside the womb. He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth.

I had my first baby shower last Saturday, and it went great! The snacks and cake were delicious, the presents were bountiful, and all of my favorite people were there. Bradley got all kinds of wonderful things that I can't wait to use with him. I did take pictures but I will have to put them up later on. Check back!

As for NIAW...those who have been TTC for awhile are familiar with this special time of year. It is National Infertility Week, and for this year it is this week. My blog-friend Sarah has been posting her story this week so I thought I would follow suit and tell you all a bit about my story in case you didn't know it.

* * * * *

Nick and I met in about 1998 and were married in the beginning of 2003. I was pretty young at the time but I knew what I wanted and I wanted a family. I had always been very regular, and had never been on the "pill" so we just used contraceptives for the first few months. After that we stopped and just kind of let nature take its course. Well after several months of nothing I started doing some research on the subject...this was the beginning of the downward spiral.

First I took basal temps. For months--like 2 years worth altogether. I tried getting healthier, taking vitamins, he stopped wearing briefs... After I started college, my OB had us do some basic testing. All of mine came back normal, his were a little on the low side but nothing to worry about. We tried Clomid for 6 months with still no success. I had an HSG that was normal. We are up to the middle of 2006 now and have been TTC for about 3 years so far.

I read as much as I could on any little "symptom" I thought I had, and everything kept coming back normal. Finally after I became a nurse and got real insurance, I made an appointment with a highly accredited Reproductive Endocrinologist that was affiliated with my hospital. At my first appointment I broke down and cried from all of the disappointment we had been through already with still no clue as to what the problem was. Unfortunately we were not very well prepared for all of the out-of-pocket costs and we delayed further appointments. My job changed shortly after and TTC'd on our own until the summer 2008 when we made an appointment with a different RE. He was very understanding, very experienced, and got right down to business. I had more hormone levels done and different ultrasounds. We didn't want to repeat the SA just yet since it had looked OK in the past.

The first eye-opening test we had done was the postcoital test. Basically he didn't see any "swimmers" on the slide. So after that we did a sperm test for antibodies and also another SA. This was the answer we had been waiting for!! After over 5 years of trying we finally had our answer--no he didn't have antibodies but his count and motility were very low.

At first we were pretty upset that his first SA a few years back came back ok but evidently they didn't do as thorough testing as the infertility center so the problem was never identified. We tried not to dwell on it and went forward with our treatment. Our options now were IUI, IUI w/donor sperm, or IVF w/ICSI.

Throughout this ordeal we had always said we weren't going to blow money on IVF because adoption cost about the same and had a better success rate. The IUI w/donor sperm was out because hubby was very against the donor part. And a regular IUI would really have no more success rate than regular intercourse for us. So that left us with IVF or adoption.

We really had to weigh our costs here...most of you know how expensive IVF is. And there is no guarantee. Not to mention the physical stress of the hormonal stimulation you have to go through. But since this was our last possible option to have a biologically related child, we had to give it at least one try before we could really give up and accept adoption.

We applied for the infertility loan and got it, and told our doctor to schedule us for our IVF! We got a start date of late September and I ordered all the meds. Go to this posting to read the first of many blogs after my egg retrieval.

In short, out of two embryos, one implanted and has grown into the little boy that will be here in just a few short weeks!! Thanks for reading :)

7 Days Past 3 Day Transfer

Nothing much going on with me, yes I'm weak and I've been taking an HPT everyday starting day 4 past transfer. Yes they have all been BFN. My pain is gone, but with my shot yesterday I think my hubby got my hip bone cause it hurt sooooooo bad when he did it, and now there is a knot at the site and my hip hurts. *Sigh*

I don't know if my moodiness should be a good sign, or a sign that AF is going to show up soon. I have been very cranky, and mostly depressed and hopeless. I know it's too soon to tell, it's not the HPT getting me down. I just have this premonition if you will, that it didn't work. I hope to God that it did, and I know I've done everything right. I just don't feel like it worked. It's more psychological than physical. I hope to be proved wrong next Thursday.

This is what my kitty Cuddles was doing...

So a BIG thank you to all of the people who have been praying for me and supporting me on here, and in real life :). I truly do appreciate it. This has been a very hard time for me, and I am ready for the next 7 days to fly by. If anything else happens before the 16th I will post an update, but I'm not expecting it to so check back then!!!!!

Not What I Wanted to Hear.

I got the call today from the doctor's office about my leftover embryos and if they were able to be frozen at all. They were not. Not one of them. I'm pretty distraught about it, I'm hoping this is not an indication of how well the two they transferred will do. I've got 9 1/2 more days until my beta and I swear this will be the death of me. I feel so much pressure now if this does work, because if we lost the baby, there is no "do-over". And if it doesn't work, then that embryo picture just cost me $15,000 dollars because insurance did NOT cover any of my stuff.

So I'm in limbo here, trying so hard to stay optimistic. I've read about several people whose first IVF did not work, but then the frozen embryo transfer worked. I have no second chance. I really do not think we will do this again if it is unsuccessful because that is just so much money, and we could adopt and have a child for that. But I don't think I'm ready to give up on being pregnant just yet.

As for me, I'm slowly getting better. The abdominal swelling is finally going down, and the pain is almost gone.

Please keep us in your prayers through this very hard and taxing time, we need all of the help we can get!

Post-Transfer and Baby Pic!

Sorry I didn't get on till today, my computer is upstairs and I have been stationed downstairs. The transfer went well, it was in the same room that my retrieval was in. We got the embryo picture first off, and Nick was able to hold my hand the entire time. Before the procedure started and we were in the room alone, I said a prayer for us that the next two weeks will pass quickly and be successful.

After confirming placement of the catheter in my uterus, the doctor inserted the embryos, then made sure none were still in the syringe. After they called all clear, he removed the speculum and had me lay there for about 15 minutes before I could go pee. Then we were free to go, but he advised that I lay down in the backseat on the way home, LOL. The rest of the day I vegged out on the couch (which has now caused my back to hurt) and took it easy.

I can't believe we are already to this point!!! Next week I will be busy, so hopefully the next two weeks go by fast. Our official test date when they will do the HCG blood draw is on October 16. Everyone, please keep us in your prayers, and thank you to those who have been.

I don't ask for much, I just want to be a mama!

The Big Day...

I just got the call from Dr. Haas, and there are two embryos that are doing the best out of all of them, so we are going to go ahead and do the transfer tomorrow afternoon!!! I will be getting a picture, and he said we will freeze the leftover ones that make it to the blastocyst stage. I'm so excited!!! This had better work cause I really don't want to go through another egg retrieval. It has not been fun. But we do what we have to do, and I will blog tomorrow about how it goes.

Keep me in your prayers!

13 is the Lucky Number!

Let me just start off by saying that Dr. Haas is awesome. He truly cares about how I'm doing! He called me this morning at 7:30am just to check and see how I was feeling!

I got the first official report on my future babies a little bit ago, and here it is:

• Out of 21 eggs, 17 were mature
• 1 was abnormally large and discarded
• 16 received the ICSI
• 13 fertilized
• 8 of the 13 are really good
• 5 of the 13 are ok

I will get another report tomorrow afternoon, and he still thinks we will most likely do the transfer this Saturday. So right now I have 13 babies in a lab! I can't believe it's almost happening...

As for me, my soreness is slightly better today but the catheter thing still sucks. Progesterone shot #2 was today and it doesn't really hurt so I'm happy about that. I just can't wait till the day I do my beta test!!