B.C. to A.D.

I sit here just 3 short months away from expecting my second child and I am amazed at how much can change in a few years. I'm not talking about the obvious "Gee now I have to plan my life around a human being" or things like that. I'm referring more to things I didn't expect to be so affected by becoming a mother, like friends, relationships, world views, and goals.

 

Let me start off by giving you my "story" in a nutshell: Before Children--My husband and I tried have a child for the first 5 years of our marriage. Although these were emotionally hard times, we also were able to find the positive in it and build our relationship as simply husband and wife. We grew up a little more, established goals, traveled, enjoyed friendships, bought a house (or two), and trusted in God that His plan was best. In 2008 we bit the bullet and took a chance on IVF. Thankfully it worked and in 2009 we welcomed our first son to the world. That brings us to After Delivery......

I think most people have heard that you lose friends when you have kids, but I bet most people think "this won't happen to me! My friends are great!" I was one of those people! I thought for sure my friends would understand and be flexible with my changing life. Although I don't feel like I personally changed much toward my friends, I definitely noticed a shift. Work buddies quit hanging out with me and inviting me to get-togethers. Other friends slowly reduced time and contact with me till it was nothing but the occasional email or text. Some of Nick's friends quit coming over or hanging out with him.

Going from a nonparent to a parent changes your perspective. You now have another person who is affected by almost every choice you make from here on. How you drive, where you live, vacations, schools, what you cook, where you work, how much you work, what holidays you celebrate....the list never ends! After about a year or two as a mom it really hit me that soon my son will have lasting memories of this time in his life. Let that sink in.....little things that I say or do with him could potentially be a moment that is etched FOREVER in his mind. Something I may not think is important could mean the world to him.

BC our lives were pretty mundane. We did fun stuff here and there but for the most part each evening was the same--cook dinner, chit chat, and watch TV until bedtime. Yeah it's a blast to be able to stay in your PJs all day but after awhile that can get old! We were ready for something MORE.

Another unexpected thing that came AD was all of the OPINIONS--from other moms, friends, strangers, family....anyone who thought you looked stressed/lost/scared did not hesitate to share with you what they thought about what you were doing and how you were doing it. I developed a thick skin to this after about 6 months and learned to ignore most of the unsolicited advice. Now that I'm expecting my second I don't worry about it at all because hey if I can successfully birth and raise a child once then I can do it again!

When Nick and I became parents we discovered a whole new level of choices to agree or disagree on. Thankfully we both see eye to eye with 95% of parenting issues so there hasn't been much arguing on that part. These are all things you don't think twice about BC. What kind of toys are you going to get your kids at each age---educational toys or Disney themed toys? How much TV will they watch? Whole day or half day PreK or Kindergarten? Will they drink water, juice, watered-down juice, pop, white milk, chocolate milk, etc. Are you going to be strict about what they eat or just be happy if they eat anything? Are you going to let them learn things independently or hover over and control as much as you can? Are you going to get them an iPad when they are 5 or let them play with regular toys? How will you react if they throw a tantrum, say a bad word, or hit? Will you spank or do time out? The two words that describe our parenting style best is OLD FASHIONED. We both feel very strongly that the next generation needs to rewind to the simpler times with good morals and strong parents.

When we see other parents out there who still party, drink, and continue to do irresponsible things we are saddened for the child who is missing out on having a great parent that puts them first and values their influence. If you are going to play house and have a child then you need to put your adult undies on and act like a parent--not like a frat boy.

As for us, our marriage and relationship has grown a million times stronger as we have bonded more over the last few years together with all that we have overcome. We now have the confidence and know that not only can we survive, but we can do a darn good job at this parenting thing. Our priorities have been adjusted, our friends have changed, and our rules are strict but that is what makes us who we are and we can't wait to see what else life has in store.