2021: Starting the New Year with a Glimmer of *Hope*

I haven't posted any blogs thus far about COVID....so here is my summary of how the year has been for this ICU nurse....

On March 26, 2020 the staff of my small ICU in Buffalo found out that administration had chosen our little suburban hospital to convert to COVID only. Just a couple of days later the transition began by moving out all other patients and clearing out the Emergency room to convert it to an overflow ICU. We were all very anxious but hopeful that things would wind down quickly. *Spoiler alert* they did not.

I still remember our very first + patient. Her test was pending and she was only 33. The doc presumed her to be + due to diagnostic imaging so we moved her to the ICU and intubated her in a very controlled and protected environment. She never left the hospital.

This would just be the beginning of a nightmare that lasted the summer. As the days went on, all the local affiliated hospitals would transfer any and every + patient that came in to my facility. We had patients coming in hourly, and travel nurses daily. My hospital was completely transformed for this process...temporary walls and doors put up, red zone/yellow zone/green zone. We now were changing into hospital scrubs and taking nothing with us to the units. The hospital so kindly provided food, snacks, and drinks for us throughout the summer.

Another amazing thing that they did for us was to offer a free hotel room for any nurse wanting to sleep/shower/rest after a shift. Since I have a long commute I took advantage of this for 3 months and stayed away from my family every single weekend while working. I would leave Saturday evening and not come home again until Monday morning.

The biggest thing that got me through the insanity was having special coworkers and best friends right there with me. The morning coffee, the Sonic dates, the failed Olive Garden on Mother's Day, arguing in the locker room, rehashing our shift, crying over the ones who didn't make it, coordinating break times so we could see a familiar face at least once in the night.

At the peak we had 4 ICUs open with a total of almost 50 critical patients in them. For comparison, pre-COVID our little ICU typically had 2-4 patients.

In July things started improving finally and in August our ED reopened and at times we actually had ZERO ICU patients! It seemed the worst was over. Unfortunately the public thought that as well, and as preventative measures were thrown by the wayside the numbers started climbing again. By November 1 the ED was closed once again and prepared for another overflow ICU.

Thankfully this time has been a bit different in that the affiliated hospitals are only "sharing" the + patients with us instead of sending them all. We continue to be a COVID only hospital and have been holding steady for about a month at maybe 65 med/surg patients and 15-20 ICU patients.

The community spread is still a major issue, especially following the holidays and now football parties. Many more fellow staff members have gotten the virus, as well as a few close family members. Thankfully I have not lost anyone close to me, however I will always remember the patients I've cared for that did not make it. The hands I've held as their heart stopped. The crying family members I've tried to comfort over the phone. The scared patient who is struggling to breath and knows they may not make it out.

I know not every case is fatal, not every case is severe, and we did have some success stories who made it out and got to go home. But for those not that lucky there has inevitably been a ripple effect of lives affected by their passing. Those not personally touched by tragedy in the last year should consider themselves lucky and blessed.

I've done my best in the last 11 months to shield my family from this virus, but sometimes leaving my germs at work is easier than leaving the emotions there. I would have to say the saddest aspect has been seeing the community's compassion and consideration decline drastically over the months. The very people who shun the recommendations and requests are the reason that this has dragged on for so long. So I continue to be a COVID ICU nurse as long as I'm needed to be.

But in 2021 there is HOPE. We have a vaccine and the science is looking optimistic!!!!! Healthcare workers are #1 in wanting this to be over--trust me. Hopefully enough of the public want it to be over as well, and people can do what is needed to be part of the SOLUTION and not part of the problem.

And in closing, a huge *thank you* to all of my friends and family who have kept my physical and mental well being in your thoughts and prayers. I've stayed strong and healthy so far and with His strength it will continue.