If This Works...

• I will be due on April 15, 2015
• Brad will be a big brother!
• Brad will be almost 6 when he/she is born
• I will deliver at St. Anthony hospital
• I am considering using a doula this time for a more natural delivery
• I do NOT want to be induced again
• I will keep the baby in my room for the first few months while nursing
• Baby will share a room with Brad (for now)
• I will be the happiest person in the world :)

Feelings of a Mom Getting Ready for IVF

We are now just one month away from starting injections for our next IVF cycle. The feelings and emotions this time around have been markedly different than last time. It's amazing how much can change in a few years! 6 years ago we were at our wits end and IVF was our last resort to having a child. We didn't know if it would work, and when it did work we didn't know how the pregnancy would go. Amazingly it all went off without a hitch (except that fact that he didn't want to come out!) and now we have a blessed little almost-5-year-old to keep us entertained.

I feel like this time around I am more calm and relaxed because I know what to expect from the medications and hormones. I know how my body responded the first time, but I also know that I am 6 years older and it may not respond as well this time around. I am using a different doctor (my first one retired) so I'm not sure what to expect from him. I have heard he is aggressive. I also have a different OB, so if I do get pregnant it will be a new doctor delivering and a new hospital.

Yes I am starting to get nervous. I know how lucky we were to get pregnant with our first cycle, and I know it may not happen for us this time. I know I will be devastated if it does not. I know I am blessed to even have one healthy child, but I know that he would love to have a sibling. I loved being pregnant and hope that I am able to experience that at least one more time.

One big difference with this second TTC journey is I am not nearly as bitter as I was before. You other infertiles know what I'm talking about---your insides just cringe every time you see another announcement, baby shower invite, mom with 10 kids at the store, etc. I was filled with a lot of hatred before that I could do nothing about. I still get annoyed by women who conceive just by looking at their husbands (or drunk boyfriends.....) but I can much more easily brush it off and know that my journey has led me here for a reason and I am blessed in my own way.

My support system is also a little different this time around. 6 years ago I had a completely different circle of coworkers, as well as friends outside of work. I had a couple close friends who were also in the middle of their own infertility journeys, and we could vent to each other on the bad days. Those friends are busy with their own lives now and outside of my house I am alone with my infertility. No one to call after my latest RE appointment. No one to whine to about the hormone injection side effects. Nick is of course there with me every step of the way, as is my mom, but the support of a girlfriend helps in a different way.

The outcome of our IVF will also determine how soon we try to sell our home again. If it works, we will take our time and wait a few more years. If it does not, then we will build up our savings and list our house for sale as soon as we hit our goal. We both still very much want to move out of the state and get a change of scenery.

I have also decided to only share my IVF blogs on Facebook with a select group of friends who might be interested in reading about it. A lot of my Facebook friends are either just acquaintances, or singles who have no interest in reading about beta levels or follicle sizes. I thought about not sharing it on there at all, but I know I have several people who are supporting me and like to follow my journey. I write about my experiences not just to get it of my chest, but also to maybe enlighten and help someone else out there who might be going thru the same thing. If you would like to follow my blog and aren't seeing the links posted on Facebook, just message me to let me know and I will add you to the list! I know the first time we did IVF I scoured the internet for every bit of information on it and any little side effect I should expect throughout the whole thing.

Thank you for reading, and keep us in your prayers!

Moving Right Along!

With TTC that is! This morning I went in for my baseline US and blood work. I also spoke with my doctor's IVF coordinator and got my booklet of info and consent forms to sign. I'm pretty excited about it and curious how much has changed since our first time 6 years ago. I am keeping my hope levels in neutral as long as I can while being realistic and optimistic at the same time.

I feel like this time around I will have a little less anxiety since I will already know how it works, what to expect, how I'm going to feel (emotionally and physically), and the fact that I have one successful cycle under my belt. Unfortunately I also know that each cycle is different and it may not work for us this time. We may not have any embryos to freeze again, and we may come home with empty arms and an empty bank account.

We take these risks because we have faith in God's plan for our family, and we feel like this is where He has led us at this point in time.

My next appointment will be next month for another consultation with my doctor, then I will start meds in June!!! Please keep us in your prayers.

TTC Update

It's not a big update, but an update nonetheless! You may remember from my last post about TTC that we are scheduled for IVF in August. Well I got the fever and called yesterday to bump it up to July! I was going to do June but it won't work since we will be out of the country for the first week of June.

The plan is for me to call next month with my day 1 to schedule a baseline US and blood work. I will start BCP and shots in June, then stims and IVF in July! I know it will be here before we know it so I'm trying to be patient. That gives us 3 solid months for nature to do her thing before we have to take the plunge and blow our savings on in vitro again......

TTC #2 Update

So I haven't posted an update on the quest for #2 because....there really isn't an update to give. We had our first consultation with our new RE Dr. Hansen on Sept. 10 and he gave us those dratted hopes and dreams I had forgotten about for 5 years. The plan was to do a few rounds of IUI with stims and trigger shots to see how things went before we skipped to IVF. We ended the visit with a new SA from hubby to see what our baseline was and if the vitamins had made a difference yet.

Fast forward a few days and we got a phone call from the office saying pretty much the SA looked awful and we won't be doing IUI. I haven't gotten official numbers yet but they said motility was low and morphology was 0%. BOO. It brought back that old familiar feeling of heartbreak and hopelessness.

I really really really did not want to do IVF again and was praying that his numbers had improved and this would magically be easier the second time around. Looks like the only easy part is that we already know what the problem is and won't be wasting 5 years to find it out.

The doc mentioned wanting hubby to see a urologist specializing in male infertility just to double check everything and see if anything is amiss (I vaguely remember him being check last time and it was normal) so they called in a referral and told us to the call the office after we saw the new doc.

A few days later the urologist's office called us to set up a consultation and long story short--it was going to be at least $400 out of pocket for a visit, not including tests or treatments. NO thanks already.

So that's where we are at. In infertility limbo once again. I haven't really had a good day off to get my thoughts together since then, so I plan on calling our RE back this week to set up another appointment for scheduling IVF. Nick and I have talked in depth about our options and we agree that we at least want to control the timing. Hypothetically if the IVF works, we would like to have another summer baby. The only problem is that we would have to wait until next summer to do it. And that is that plan! We will try to schedule an approximate IVF start date in July-August of 2014. Until then--we have big travel plans to keep us busy! Stay posted.

I will leave you with another funny infertility meme :)

RE Consultation

Tuesday morning was our first consultation with Dr. Hansen! It was like déjà vu being back in that office again. We turned in our paperwork and had a cup of coffee in the waiting room until we got called back. Dr. Hansen took us in his office and reviewed our history with us and the details of our previous time with Dr. Haas. I was very prepared and brought all of our records and lab results so that he could see what Nick's numbers looked like with previous tests. We talked about our options and success rates, and what our plan is going to be. Nick had some interesting questions....like "Can we make sure it's a girl this time?" but God bless him for participating!

He had Nick turn in a SA right then so that he could start working on testing his current morphology and motility. He said that could take up to a week to come back. We are both very curious to see if there have been any improvements since he has been taking his supplements. I deferred my "v" ultrasound until next week because mother nature decided to arrive on Sunday. So I get to go back bright and early next Tuesday for that!

After he gets the results from both of our tests back, we are going to decide if we want to proceed with our plan which is = 3 rounds of IUI with Clomid and trigger shots. I have done several rounds of Clomid in the past, but never an IUI and never both. He said if they need to they can centrifuge the sperm so that the stronger ones "rise to the top" and it concentrates the sample for IUI.

Right now we are preparing to begin this with my next cycle! We are excited and hopeful on this new journey. We have talked about doing IVF again, but that will be our last option after we try other things.

I couldn't help but think back to 5 years ago how we were doing the same exact thing at the same office. So much has changed in our lives since then! We no longer have that deep void in our heart for a child. I had a perfect uneventful pregnancy and that helps calm my fears for another one. We survived the newborn stage and all of the hormonal/sleep-deprived madness that comes with it, and now we know what babies really need vs what you think they want. Our marriage has become so much stronger after going thru infertility and coming out the other side with a healthy and happy child. Nick is much more involved (and excited!) since he knows that we can do it together and it's not as scary as he thought it would be.

Basically we are in much better spirits this time around because we KNOW it is possible for us to get pregnant--the question is what will it take? It is not in our hands so we will pray for the guidance and strength to take whatever comes our way!

Infertility Revisited

It has been many years since I have been in the "2 week wait". But here I am! We are now officially TTC and along with that comes many hurdles for us. We have male factor infertility and our son was conceived by IVF in 2008. For those unfamiliar with all of this, I will put a list of commonly used abbreviations on the side to refer to, and as well here are some links to previous posts I have made:

Our infertility story...

IVF embryo picture

Preparing for #2

Nick has been on his vitamin regimen for 3 1/2 months now, and I purchased a bunch of OPK to pinpoint the day we need to dance. Yesterday my OPK was positive, so now we wait! Then funny thing is that I'm due to start the day before our appointment at the RE so I should know by then. Maybe we'll magically be those people who get pregnant when they go to see a doctor! HA yeah right.

Anywho, I'm anxious and excited to be on this journey again. I just hope we have as much success with an RE as we did before. I am really praying we do NOT have do IVF. I plan on trying many other things before that. If nothing else works by next summer then we might move on to that. But I have a few things up my sleeve!

Nick is excited and really wants a girl this time. I don't mind either way, except that we have no idea what we would name another boy!

For those who are interested in following this journey, please check back and read how our progress goes in this crazy ride called life!

Getting Ready to Get Ready!

It's that time again! Nick and I have always planned to have our children about 5 years apart. I use the term "plan" loosely since infertility is a huge speedbump in our life. Now that Brad is 4 we are working on gearing up to TTC for #2. I have done a lot of reading on male infertility and have read a lot of good things about herbal supplements to treat/improve his specific problems.

He has started on a vitamin regimen and has been on it for going on 6 weeks now. It takes at least 3 months for changes to start taking effect so we started around the middle of May to prepare to TTC around August. I call this Plan A. Plan B will be trying Clomid (for him, not me), and Plan C will be IVF. Plan D is to have an only child :(

 

We have added 1 more vitamin since this picture, so all of the ones he is taking are:

1. Vitamin C 500mg

2. Zinc 25mg

3. Vitamin E 400IU

4. L-Arginine 500mg

5. L-Carnitine 1000mg

6. One-A-Day multivitamin for men

I am planning on scheduling a consultation with a new RE (our old one retired in January) around August so that we can hit the ground running and not waste any time. Please pray for us that we are able to conceive WITHOUT doing IVF and that everything works out!

PS. There is a link to the right ------> for our infertility story if you haven't read it yet!

Planning

In some areas of life I like to be spontaneous and adventurous. Examples would be how I got married (engaged for a month then married on a day I didn't have school), catching a great deal on a flight and going on a last minute trip, going skydiving, buying a stock I caught a good tip on, etc. But in most things, I am a major planner. I have to have a 1 year plan, 5 year plan, 20 year plan, and so on.

I need to know what I am aiming for, what I am working for, what I can expect, and what to do if things don't go as planned. I like to think that I can stay flexible because life is not predictable and therefore plans can not always be concrete. However I still try to plan for the unplannable! I will share my current plans with you:

1 year: be moved to NY, possibly in a rent house, Nick with a full time job, me with a part time job, Brad in school, working on baby #2, active in a local church

5 year: live in and fixing up an old Victorian house, plan for nice trip to Europe, own a 5th wheel vintage Shasta trailer, own jet skis, have chickens and large garden, get my BSN

20 years: children gone (or almost gone) from home, work as little as possible, home is paid off, retirement accounts are growing nicely, talking about where we want to retire at

For now, this is what I am basing my choices and actions on. I am trying to do the things today that will bring me to where I want to be. The downside of this way of life is that I occasionally feel at a standstill because I am waiting for "the next step" to happen and I am helpless until then. Examples are when we wanted to have children but suffered from infertility for over 5 years and had to do IVF, or now when we are ready to move to NY but have to sell our house first.

It is times like these I have to continually tell myself that it is all in God's plan and His will be done, not mine! He has given me the wisdom to make good choices and the courage to carve my own path. I owe my success and happiness to Him and I trust what He has in store for my life.

On a slightly different note, of course I am already planning on what we will do if we do not sell our house by August (even though it has only been listed for 1 1/2 wks). I presented my plan to Nick and he has agreed with it :) If our house has not sold by August, we will take it off the market. I will go full-time at work and carry health insurance for all of us. We will go see our Reproductive Endocrinologist Dr. Haas (who helped bless us with Bradley) and begin our TTC journey for #2!

We have always talked about having children 5 years apart, and we still 200% believe that is the right thing for us. We already know what our infertility issue is so we can cut right to the chase and begin necessary treatment for it. We are going to try some different things (read here) before jumping into IVF again. I haven't quite factored that expense into our plan....people say having a kid is expensive but $15,000 just to get pregnant is a bit excessive, ha!

I can safely say I have gotten to a point where I am ready for another baby, and I just LOVED being pregnant so that is no trouble for me! Brad will be starting school soon and independent enough to help out with little things.

So hopefully by the end of this year, I will either be in NY or pregnant :)

8 Weeks Left, and NIAW

32 weeks is here, and I am still in awe of how fast everything has gone by. Here are the updates:

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, he'll gain a third to half of his birth weight during the next 7 weeks as he fattens up for survival outside the womb. He now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth.

I had my first baby shower last Saturday, and it went great! The snacks and cake were delicious, the presents were bountiful, and all of my favorite people were there. Bradley got all kinds of wonderful things that I can't wait to use with him. I did take pictures but I will have to put them up later on. Check back!

As for NIAW...those who have been TTC for awhile are familiar with this special time of year. It is National Infertility Week, and for this year it is this week. My blog-friend Sarah has been posting her story this week so I thought I would follow suit and tell you all a bit about my story in case you didn't know it.

* * * * *

Nick and I met in about 1998 and were married in the beginning of 2003. I was pretty young at the time but I knew what I wanted and I wanted a family. I had always been very regular, and had never been on the "pill" so we just used contraceptives for the first few months. After that we stopped and just kind of let nature take its course. Well after several months of nothing I started doing some research on the subject...this was the beginning of the downward spiral.

First I took basal temps. For months--like 2 years worth altogether. I tried getting healthier, taking vitamins, he stopped wearing briefs... After I started college, my OB had us do some basic testing. All of mine came back normal, his were a little on the low side but nothing to worry about. We tried Clomid for 6 months with still no success. I had an HSG that was normal. We are up to the middle of 2006 now and have been TTC for about 3 years so far.

I read as much as I could on any little "symptom" I thought I had, and everything kept coming back normal. Finally after I became a nurse and got real insurance, I made an appointment with a highly accredited Reproductive Endocrinologist that was affiliated with my hospital. At my first appointment I broke down and cried from all of the disappointment we had been through already with still no clue as to what the problem was. Unfortunately we were not very well prepared for all of the out-of-pocket costs and we delayed further appointments. My job changed shortly after and TTC'd on our own until the summer 2008 when we made an appointment with a different RE. He was very understanding, very experienced, and got right down to business. I had more hormone levels done and different ultrasounds. We didn't want to repeat the SA just yet since it had looked OK in the past.

The first eye-opening test we had done was the postcoital test. Basically he didn't see any "swimmers" on the slide. So after that we did a sperm test for antibodies and also another SA. This was the answer we had been waiting for!! After over 5 years of trying we finally had our answer--no he didn't have antibodies but his count and motility were very low.

At first we were pretty upset that his first SA a few years back came back ok but evidently they didn't do as thorough testing as the infertility center so the problem was never identified. We tried not to dwell on it and went forward with our treatment. Our options now were IUI, IUI w/donor sperm, or IVF w/ICSI.

Throughout this ordeal we had always said we weren't going to blow money on IVF because adoption cost about the same and had a better success rate. The IUI w/donor sperm was out because hubby was very against the donor part. And a regular IUI would really have no more success rate than regular intercourse for us. So that left us with IVF or adoption.

We really had to weigh our costs here...most of you know how expensive IVF is. And there is no guarantee. Not to mention the physical stress of the hormonal stimulation you have to go through. But since this was our last possible option to have a biologically related child, we had to give it at least one try before we could really give up and accept adoption.

We applied for the infertility loan and got it, and told our doctor to schedule us for our IVF! We got a start date of late September and I ordered all the meds. Go to this posting to read the first of many blogs after my egg retrieval.

In short, out of two embryos, one implanted and has grown into the little boy that will be here in just a few short weeks!! Thanks for reading :)

Another drug, and being tagged!

Hello there, thank you for reading! First of all, my lovely and beautiful internet friend in Tulsa tagged me on her blog to answer a survey, so here you are Krysta!

1. Who is your man? Nick
2. How long have you been together? Together off/on for 2 yrs, then married for 5 1/2 now
3. How long did you date? officially about 6 months, but dated for a month couple years before that until he moved away
4. How old is your man? 27
5. Who eats more? I do when we're together, but I think he does when I'm gone....
6. Who said "I love you" first? He did
7. Who is taller? He is
8. Who sings better? I do, but he's not so bad
9. Who is smarter? If it's computers, him...everything else, me
10. Whose temper is worse? Mine can get bad, but he has less control over his
11. Who does the laundry? Me
12. Who takes out the garbage? He does
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do
14. Who pays the bills? Anything that starts with a $ goes through me
15. Who is better with the computer? See answer to question 9
16. Who mows the lawn? He does with MUCH nagging
17. Who cooks dinner? I do when I'm off, but he helps alot
18. Who drives when you are together? I do usually cause my car is more comfortable
19. Who pays when you go out? He does, but it all comes out of the same bucket
20. Who is most stubborn? We both have moments
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? He is cause he's usually wrong, LOL
22. Whose parents do you see the most? Mine
23. Who kissed who first? I kissed him first when I was 12 at a Braums HAHA
24. Who asked who out? It was mutual
25. Who proposed? Again, it was just understood that we would get married
26. Who is more sensitive? Sometimes me, but he can be pretty emotional
27. Who has more friends? Well I've got more acquaintances, but we're about the same
28. Who has more siblings? We each have 2
29. Who wears the pants in the family? Definitely me, but it works out great this way!

Now that that's done, I tag Sara since she's the only other Blogger I know!


For my next drug, I will be starting Lupron injections on Sunday. They are supposed to arrive via FedEx today on my doorstep. Only a couple more weeks until I start THE cycle!! About Lupron:

To treat infertility concerns, a GnRH analogue (agonist or antagonist) is used:

• To closely time and control ovulation before an assisted reproductive technology (ART) procedure by shutting down the pituitary gland. This is called "pituitary down-regulation." At the same time or afterward, an ovulation-stimulating medication is used to trigger ovulation, with the goal of harvesting good-quality eggs on a predictable schedule. Increasing numbers of doctors are now using a GnRH antagonist (instead of a GnRH agonist) at the same time that ovulation medication is used, quickly suppressing the luteinizing hormone that can cause early ovulation.

My next drug

I have been taking birth control for about 3 weeks now, and next Tuesday the 26th, I start another drug called Aygestin, which is:

Norethindrone is a form of progesterone, a female hormone. Norethindrone prevents ovulation (the release of an egg from an ovary). This medication also causes changes in your cervical mucous and uterine lining, making it harder for sperm to reach the uterus and harder for a fertilized egg to attach to the uterus.

Norethindrone is used for birth control (contraception) to prevent pregnancy. Norethindrone is also used to treat menstrual disorders, endometriosis, or abnormal vaginal bleeding caused by a hormone imbalance.

I take this for a couple weeks, then I will start another medication after that. I spoke with my doctor's office yesterday, and they will be ordering my IVF meds next week!! I am actually going to be out of the country next week--me and a girl friend are going to Jamaica for 5 days and 4 nights! It will be a purely relaxing vacation, and mostly likely my last big one for a little while.

The First of Many

Those of us trying to have a baby know firsthand that the simple act of "relaxing" or "not thinking about it" will NOT solve any medical mysteries, make sperm better, or make ovaries do their job correctly. And when we finally get the word from our doctor that yes, you have a true medical problem, we begin the process of accepting our fate, and moving on to the next possible option for adding to our family. This is where Nick and I are. After a 5+ year journey of TTC, we have finally found our answers and are accepting the fact that In Vitro Fertilization is our only remaining option for a natural child. Our official "start" date is September 20, 2008, but I am already taking medications to prepare the doctor to have complete (medical) control of my reproductive system. We know this will be one of the most taxing things we have ever done as a couple, and we hope that our attempt is successful. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and check back often for new posts and updates along the way!!