Feelings of a Mom Getting Ready for IVF

We are now just one month away from starting injections for our next IVF cycle. The feelings and emotions this time around have been markedly different than last time. It's amazing how much can change in a few years! 6 years ago we were at our wits end and IVF was our last resort to having a child. We didn't know if it would work, and when it did work we didn't know how the pregnancy would go. Amazingly it all went off without a hitch (except that fact that he didn't want to come out!) and now we have a blessed little almost-5-year-old to keep us entertained.

I feel like this time around I am more calm and relaxed because I know what to expect from the medications and hormones. I know how my body responded the first time, but I also know that I am 6 years older and it may not respond as well this time around. I am using a different doctor (my first one retired) so I'm not sure what to expect from him. I have heard he is aggressive. I also have a different OB, so if I do get pregnant it will be a new doctor delivering and a new hospital.

Yes I am starting to get nervous. I know how lucky we were to get pregnant with our first cycle, and I know it may not happen for us this time. I know I will be devastated if it does not. I know I am blessed to even have one healthy child, but I know that he would love to have a sibling. I loved being pregnant and hope that I am able to experience that at least one more time.

One big difference with this second TTC journey is I am not nearly as bitter as I was before. You other infertiles know what I'm talking about---your insides just cringe every time you see another announcement, baby shower invite, mom with 10 kids at the store, etc. I was filled with a lot of hatred before that I could do nothing about. I still get annoyed by women who conceive just by looking at their husbands (or drunk boyfriends.....) but I can much more easily brush it off and know that my journey has led me here for a reason and I am blessed in my own way.

My support system is also a little different this time around. 6 years ago I had a completely different circle of coworkers, as well as friends outside of work. I had a couple close friends who were also in the middle of their own infertility journeys, and we could vent to each other on the bad days. Those friends are busy with their own lives now and outside of my house I am alone with my infertility. No one to call after my latest RE appointment. No one to whine to about the hormone injection side effects. Nick is of course there with me every step of the way, as is my mom, but the support of a girlfriend helps in a different way.

The outcome of our IVF will also determine how soon we try to sell our home again. If it works, we will take our time and wait a few more years. If it does not, then we will build up our savings and list our house for sale as soon as we hit our goal. We both still very much want to move out of the state and get a change of scenery.

I have also decided to only share my IVF blogs on Facebook with a select group of friends who might be interested in reading about it. A lot of my Facebook friends are either just acquaintances, or singles who have no interest in reading about beta levels or follicle sizes. I thought about not sharing it on there at all, but I know I have several people who are supporting me and like to follow my journey. I write about my experiences not just to get it of my chest, but also to maybe enlighten and help someone else out there who might be going thru the same thing. If you would like to follow my blog and aren't seeing the links posted on Facebook, just message me to let me know and I will add you to the list! I know the first time we did IVF I scoured the internet for every bit of information on it and any little side effect I should expect throughout the whole thing.

Thank you for reading, and keep us in your prayers!